lessons

Here’s a piece of advice, kid:
When you do something for the first time, do it alone or with a friend who tops your list of insignificance. Do it at the end of a day that’s ordinary, when the sunset is not a glossy orange, and make sure to hide behind your ugliest curtains. Do it wearing your most horrendous pair of sweatpants and make sure you’re not wearing any cologne. Try and not remember what day, date or month it is. Try and not think of something that matters. Think of the food you ate or how much homework you have left. Think of anything that’s pointless and you’ll be fine. Also, make sure there’s no record of it. On paper, in photographs, Snapchat stories, text messages or even voice recordings.
But most importantly, when you do something for the first time, make sure it doesn’t matter as much. Because, if you don’t, 20 years later when you find yourself smoking your sixth cigarette, or gulping down your fourth shot of vodka; each drag will have the memory of your first smoke tethered to its end, every gulp will echo the remembrance of your first time down your throat.
Every time you do it, you’ll feel the freshness of your past daunting you in the face of your present, you’ll constantly ache and laugh at your disability to walk away.
You’ll be stuck long enough to only keep wanting it more, just so you can feel the regret over and over again.

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