i am, i am, i am – Farewell’15

i had a lot of ideas for this post. i kept thinking about it all day. but then life happened. all day.
and now, here i am. 1 am in the night, fighting to stay awake but attempting to write nonetheless because i wouldn’t be able to sleep without doing what i had decided to do.
and that, i believe, kind of sums up my life lately. or at least, my life in 2015.

like every other year it has been a journey but unlike all the other years it hasn’t really been documented enough. mainly because i’ve had various other commitments all year round – starting from boards in Jan to a prep for Cinema Day at College today – there’s been something happening at some point in life every single day.
so in a way, this year has been about commitment in various forms like people, interests, events, priorities. in fact, it’s been a war zone in terms of priorities. whether that involves going to bed on time or finishing that piece of work i promised i would – it has been there all along.
and i’m kind of glad. i whine, undoubtedly and will continue to do so but deep down i know i want this.

one thing that this year hasn’t seen is failure. i don’t feel like i’ve failed in anything. even the negative events don’t feel like a failure. at the end of every year i often find myself contemplating all the bad things and actively feeling sore about them.
but this year’s different. i don’t feel sore about anything. i feel like i’ve actually achieved everything just the way i wanted to. there were setbacks and occasional “i can’t live this horrible excuse of a life” days but on a whole, it has been potentially eventful with a lot of positive vibes.
and i think that’s great.
it inspires me.
(yes i know but i really do inspire me)

in some ways i’ve also been feeling empowered. a sense of being able to distinguish between what is and what isn’t, what can be and what can’t be, what i prefer and what i think i prefer has begun to surface. and that is what’s keeping me sane.

obviously, everything does not feel as sane as i am making it out to be. there are days of reckless insanity that is confined in a cage of hypocrisy and rationality.
but i’ve always had this perpetual feeling about how it all gets better hereon and this is the worst that keeps me going. it gives me this uncanny amount of strength.
it’s not true of course. problems only seem to get more complicated as we grow up but then the feeling somehow stays and i am so glad it does.
it’s something i’m going to carry with me to the gates of 2016.

apart from all this; life is great. sem 2 just started, i’m all psyched and stress awaits!

on a lighter note, we have cinema day tomorrow at college and I’m dressing up as a pregnant Juno from the movie Juno. My friend is dressing up as Paulie and BOY AM I EXCITED.
will surely be sharing the pictures here so stay tuned!

new year plans are not as…conventional this year. because hostel and curfew and basically no house to party in.
i won’t go clubbing because i kind of despise the idea of it. doesn’t seem as much fun.  so I’ll probably just stay in. and I kind of don’t mind that. SURPRISINGLY.

anyway, have fun you guys!
WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR DON’T FORGET TO BE WHO/WHAT YOU WANT TO BE. IF IT’S A BLANKET, BE A BLANKET BUT JUST NEVER STOP DOING YOUR THING.
GOOD NIGHT (in India, heh)
SEE Y’ALL IN 2016. looking forward to all that capitalism, greed and more (jk, some peace of mind would be good)

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