hi friends, a little change in plan. i’ve decided to abandon NaPoWriMo (i know, i know) because semester end exams are approaching and apart from the fact that it is hectic as hell, i also haven’t started studying. so yeah.
but since it is exam time, i’m going to be ranting a lot and uploading everything here.
sometimes i feel like maybe i wear you like an invisibility cloak. i always did want one you know. like harry potter, i thought i’d go places too. i thought i’d go really far away and find all these strange beings who will be the surround sound exhausting the chaos. i had this ambiguous, rather arbitrary, idea of what i’d be like when i went there. what i’d do and say and feel and eat and wear. i was so immersed in that make-believe reality that when i actually did go away to that far, far place, i didn’t even realise because i still spoke, felt, ate and wore the same. i didn’t realise that this was my distant land. not for the first few months anyway because this new far away was so close to you. you were omnipresent to the extent of claustrophobia. you were not leeching on to me, but i sure felt rotten unusually often. i made peace with that though. i embraced it like death wish and and that is when i felt my entire body resonate with jubilance. i wasn’t exactly alive but i was breathing. above water. finally, i stepped out. i was drenched and my clothes were a deadweight but i dragged myself as far as i could only to realise that i still had you on. it wasn’t the clothes, it was that baggage of yours you’d left behind time and again till i decided to build it a little home for it with my very own calloused hands. i was wearing you like an invisibility cloak, which sounds quite magical if you think about it. but this invisibility cloak wasn’t letting me live my distant land, it was pining on, reminding me every sick minute of the day that you can’t really leave behind a lifestyle.